Monday, July 21, 2014

Music Video Monday: Scared

Gather 'round and listen, my children, to the tragic tale of the Foolish Little Metalhead.

Once upon a time, there was a Very Foolish Little Metalhead. He is given no name in the video, so let us call him Pete. See him blissfully sleeping in his cozy bed:

As long as Pete could remember, his older, wiser metalhead friends had always warned him never to put a pan full of cold water on the stove and repeat the words "Dangerous Toys" thrice over. Pete always promised them he would not, but Pete was also a Very Curious Little Metalhead. One evening while his friends were all out scoring weed, he filled a pan with cold water, placed it on the stove, and fearfully whispered, "Dangerous Toys! Dangerous Toys! Dangerous Toys!"

Nothing seemed to happen. Disappointed, Pete went to bed.

But Pete simply hadn't waited long enough:

That very night, Pete woke to find voracious snakes and tarantulas swarming him in his own bed:

A deadly red hellfire began to lick around the edges of his closet door, and poor Pete began to tremble with fear, for he now knew exactly what he had done.

He had summoned the powerful and unspeakably evil monster of the night known only as...

(whispers)...Dangerous Toys lead singer Jason McMaster.

Pete's friends came home to find his bed empty. Pete was never seen again, but they say that on certain dark moonless nights you can still hear him screaming...


Screaming forever.

And so, children, you must always take care to let sleeping demons lie. Also, you should probably run out right now and buy ten copies of every Dangerous Toys album. And plaster your walls with Dangerous Toys posters. And loudly proclaim to anyone who'll listen that Dangerous Toys is your favorite band ever, over and over again, for the rest of your life. Because Jason McMaster is watching you.

And he can totally see into your soul.

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