Monday, August 11, 2014

Music Video Monday: King Of Dreams

You know what creeps me out?

Amusement parks.

Come on, don't hate me for saying what we all secretly think. Amusement parks are vomit-scented, funnelcake-grease-secreting hives in which carnies strap hapless tourists into fiendish torture devices* so they can then be more easily tricked into blowing all their money on rigged games while their brains are still frothy from being jerked around. Also there are clowns sometimes, and I'm pretty sure they eat unattended children.

But as creepy as amusement parks can get nowadays, they were downright terrifying in the 80's when--if this video from Deep Purple is to be believed--they were also haunted by an irresistibly seductive incubus who preyed on teenage girls.

This is the story of a typical encounter with this monster, beginning with a girl sitting at a picnic table. Here we see her casually looking up:

Only to see a hot guy seductively licking a soft, wet, transparently symbolic ice cream cone:

He gets up and heads out of the little restaurant area, strategically brushing past her as he goes. She pretends not to notice him leaving:

Oh, but she totally does. She leaps up and hurries after him, as if compelled by an invisible force, and her fate is sealed. Her downfall is detailed in a series of euphemistic images, presumably to keep the video from getting an X rating. First, she rides one of those big, long, swingy, rocking boat rides to get her blood pumping:

While he creeps on her from the scaffolding. I guess he just loves to watch her bounce:

Then they move on to the carousel, where she grips a big thick pole:

And gets a ride on something other than the pretty horsie:

Now you may be thinking that this actually looks like lots of fun. I don't doubt it is--until the poor girl ends up alone, dazed and disheveled, with barely a chance to bask in the afterglow:

And the incubus is all, like, "Thanks for the quickie, babe! I've gotta glide silently off into the inky blackness from whence I was born now. Oh, by the way, good luck raising our unholy demon-human hybrid baby for the next eighteen years!"

The moral of the story? Incubi are assholes. Also, if you're a young woman, don't forget to stock up on condoms and morning-after pills next time you go to Six Flags. Unless, you know, you actually want to birth a humanoid devil spawn, in which case I won't judge you. I've gotta admit that their little tiny horns are awfully cute.

*I believe they call them "roller coasters."    

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